I'm home...

My torso looks like it's been spattered by a machine gun and sawed open by Jason but I am home.  I feel like I have had my spine hung up on a jack hammer and then drug around behind a Ford pickup but I am home. All in all I am pretty happy; I am alive and got to see a picture of my new valve and if one were window shopping for a valve I think I picked a pretty good one.  I have very little energy but after all I did just go through open heart surgery; we have so much to be thankful for...the sky tonight for instance, the fact that we live in America, we have friends and family, the fact that we don't have to be in pain 99% of the time...We have so much to be thankful for!  Just wanted to let you into my thought process for this past week and I will write again when I have more energy.  God is so faithful and it is by His grace that we receive all the beautiful things we receive.  

Surgery Recap by Kim...

Well as you know the surgery got started late today. Around 1:30 they wheeled his bed through the big open doors and said he wouldn't remember going into the OR room. He was still talking as they slipped on his hair cap and said goodbye. We received a call at 2:37 stating that the surgery had started and all was going well. We received another call around 4ish saying that they were working on grafting the aorta; then nothing...for like 4 hours! His surgery was completed around 8:30 and we went 2 by 2 to go and see him. The doctors and nurses were very glad about the results and they said his numbers all look good and that he is recovering well. Most patients need heart medicine and he doesn't and he is trying to wake up already. He is still sedated and they have him restrained because of the fact that he is so young and he is moving around and becoming active and restless but is still non-responsive and they don't want him to pull out the breathing or other tubes. It was very overwhelming for me to see him in that state but I know that God is in control. Jordan and Olivia (our friends from church) were here and they went back and Kyle was struggling and moving and Jordan spoke to him and said Kyle you need to relax and I want to pray for you right now. He said that immediately Kyle opened his eyes and then calmed down. It is hard to see your other half restrained with tubes coming out all over and know they have just experienced something traumatic yet at that same time knowing that the Peace of God reigns victorious. Thank you all for your love, support, text messages and prayers. We are so grateful and Kyle should be writing again very soon. The goal is to have his own private room by tomorrow afternoon or evening if all goes as planned. He is in the ICU at Northwestern .
10:00 The breathing tube is now out and he is breathing on his own! Praise God!!!!

Ok pause...

I got a call late last night from my surgeon telling me that my surgery might be delayed due to a heart transplant that may be ready this morning. We got here this morning to find out that in fact it will be delayed. I wont go in for a couple of more hours as of now.

Last night we prayed for whoever might be getting the heart transplant that all would work out well for them if they got it.

The women who is getting a new heart is older and her husband and her have been here in the city for six weeks at a down hotel. I have been to many of the hotels around here, enough to know that that would not be a cheap stay.

She is 61 and her name is Merla. Please pray for her. They have been waiting for this for a while and seem to be very excited about finally getting it.

Last call for...

broken hearts.

 It is 11:34 pm and I get up in just a few hours to head towards a small little operation.

 I have to fight against my desire now to go on and on about you. 

 You being those of you who have supported us.

 I have been moved to tears on many occasions by your love for me.

 Here is my heart. I know that I am being mushy but I am so grateful for the love you have all showed and for you faith in our Living God. 

 O.K. So good night and I will see you on the flip side.

Not much time left...

before I have blood flowing well through my body.

 Many thoughts race through my head as I anticipate all that is to come in the next 12 hours, let alone the next six weeks. Uh yeah, I can't go there. 

 What will it feel like to have my rib-cage opened. What does this mean long term. How hard will it be do back flips in the next couple of days (ok maybe not).

 Here is the deal. This is happening, I am over it and ready to move on. 

 It has meant a lot to me to have all the support that I have had from all of you.

 This week has been amazing just listening to all of you love and support someone(me) in turmoil. Everyone of you bring joy to my heart. All of you that I say that I love, I really love.

 I must say that through this process I have truly felt supported. Many of you have walked along side of me for many years through many things and stood by me well, for that I am grateful.

 So goodbye for now and I will talk to you when I have a new heart.

 Blood will finally flow through my veins well for the first time in about ten years, I am ready and at peace. 

 Maybe while I recover I could tell you about Africa.

 

 

He knit us together...

 Ok, its on!

 I will go under the knife on monday morning. It is a six hour surgery and I won't be watching. God is so faithful. This whole time, I have had so much peace. Peace that I know is from God.

 They will be sawing me open and I will be on bypass, fully living at the hand of machines. Machines will be this bodies heart beat and breathing devices. 

 Are these bodies all there is to this life? 

 If so than I quit. 

 

There is so much more!

 

 At seven a.m. on monday morning the anesthesiologist will come in smile and say "ok you will just feel a small poke and then I want you to count backwards from ten", I think it would be funny to tell them that I can't count, right after the 'poke'.

 Then we pray. Six hours later, the surgery should be done and I will be wired back together.

 At that point I will still have breathing tubes and all kinds of other tubes coming out of me and for the next 12 hours or so they slowly remove the tubes. 

 I will be closely monitored in the ICU for two days and then I will go rock climbing, oh wait.

 Then I will remain in the hospital for up to a week. 

 In this surgery they separate quite a few of the muscles in my chest area that will make everything hard and painful for about two months, breathing, adjusting my position while laying down, even the small movements we take for granted.

 Then here is where the pain comes in.

 I will need to do very little in the six weeks following.

 If there is one thing that I am not a fan of, it is doing very little, as some of you who know me may know.

  This is my belief. I know that God knows what He is doing. I know that God is not nervous about His plans that He has for us. I know that He knows the plans that He has for us and that He loves us and wants us to trust Him. 

 God this is what I know. I know that You are God and I am not. I know that you are in control. I know that You are good and sovereign. I know that there is more real joy and peace in following you then there is doing or being anywhere else in the world.

 I trust you Living God. I know that you have good things for us. I am not leaning on my own understanding . So here is me acknowledging you. I love you father and into your hands I place myself.

 

God is so good.

 I just got off the phone with the Dr. office. They took pictures of my heart yesterday and called with the results.

 They said that things look a little worse than they did before Africa.

 What a miracle that we found all of this before it was to late. There are about 200,000 people a year who should get a valve replacement, though many don't because they don't know before it is to late.

 This kind of heart disease is not that uncommon, but the aneurysm in the ascending aorta adds the twist to the story. The ascending aorta has to be replaced which is what has made the decision for surgery even harder. There are choices that are will be made in the next four or five days that will have some effect on the next twenty-years of my life.

 This is a major surgery. I will be hooked up to and living on machines for many hours. I will have tubes coming out of me in all directions. Machines will remove the waste from my body as other devices pump life giving fluids into me. Then after the surgery is complete I will have a valve and aorta made from tissue that may or may not last ten plus years. I will be in the hospital for about seven days and then at home recovering for about six weeks. Those of you who know me know that the recovery time will be as hard on me if not harder than doing the surgery. I don't like to just sit. 

 My little brothers wedding falls in the middle of all of this and that may be one of the most important days of my life not to mention his. I will be there but I need prayer that I will have the strength to help make that day so special for him. He is my best friend and I have been waiting for this day since we were kids. He is an amazing man.

 I know that many of you have gone through hardships, losing something valuable to you( job, possessions, ego, etc.), surgeries (ones that you have recovered from and ones that you have never recovered from). Some of you have lost loved ones. Some of you are still grieving loved ones that recently have gone(or loved ones that you lost and you may still be dealing with it or hiding from it) or loved ones that were never there to begin with(dad's, etc.).

 To those whom it may concern:

 God is a good God. He is a righteous judge. He is faithful and true. He will never let you go.

 He is a good Father, one that will Father you well, and knows you better than you know yourself. He won't give you anymore than you can handle. We can trust Him with our very lives,  with our future, our hopes, our dreams, finances, sexuality, our parents, our health. He clothes the lilies of the field, how much more will He be mindful of us. He loves you and even right now is calling you to Himself. You can trust Him. 

 Jesus be the center of our worlds and draw us to Yourself.

  Ok so this specific Dr.'s office that we are going to happens to be one of the best known in the country. Also did I mention that this will all be paid for by insurance(and you don't even want to know how much this would cost). I am amazed at God's provision.

 Even now I am learning more about my circumstances and realizing the miracle of God that I am living.

 I finally have peace about heading towards surgery. After my grandfather prayed. It hit me that I did all that I felt like I should do. I have peace.

 I will be doing lab work for the rest of this week and then will most  likely be ready for surgery at the beginning of next week, monday at 5:30a.m.  That is there tentative time. It will either be then or wednesday the 15th.

 This is not fun news like winning a trip to disney world or a tour of Ft. Scott's Walmart, but it is reality.

 God is good, so good, and I trust Him.

 

 

I am so grateful to be loved.

 I just went in for my fourth Eco-cardiogram and dislike having Ky-jelly slimed all over my chest especially when they are telling me that surgery is coming up soon by the looks of it.

 If you have  ever had your chest cavity broken open before and are accustomed to the anticipation of this than you would understand my glee. Ha ha

 Let me first say this. I love the Lord so much and am so grateful for His watching over me.

 Going back home and having my Grandfather pray for me felt like it probably should have happened months ago. After he prayed I had a peace that I can't explain. I have done all I know to do and still I stand in love with the person of Jesus.

 Tomorrow I should hear back from the Dr.'s and will proceed with the wisest decisions. God is in control. I stand on His word for He and only He knows the plans He has for me plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

 I will post when I know what the next step is.

Do you believe that the God of the Bible heals today?

 I don't know where you stand on whether or not the triune God of the Bible still heals or not, but I am convinced that He does. In fact I will go as far as to say that if He doesn't I wouldn't serve Him.

  Because in His Word He says that He is " the same yesterday, today and forever." and I take Him at His word. He has healed before and heals today.

 

 I am leaving tomorrow afternoon to drive all the way back to Ks. to have my Grandpa pray for me. I believe that at that moment  I will be healed in the name of Jesus, not  by my grandpa, not me, not because all of my family is together, but because of  Jesus and His love for me I will be healed.

 It is by His grace that I have faith. 

 I realize full well that this may all sound crazy to some of you. The reality is that sometimes it sounds crazy to me. God makes it very clear in His word that His ways are not our ways and our thoughts are not His thoughts, but that we are to trust Him with our whole heart and lean not on our own understanding.

 

 JESUS I believe You. I want you to be King of my life and lead me in the way everlasting. I will not die now but live until You let me come home. JESUS I trust your heart for me and others who don't believe in You that it is good and that you know the plans that you have for us, plans for a hope and a future.

 When I am healed, You Jesus get the glory. God I love you and ask for you to pour into my life your Spirit. Amen