"What am I waiting for?"

 Monday morning, this question popped up as I walked my wife to the train in the unnecessarily cold weather.

 What are we waiting for? I didn't have much context from which that question was posed  but, it made sense to me.

 Do we, especially during this 'shop-aholic' holiday, think for one second that we will be happy when the next thing comes along, when just "that little thing" about your spouse changes? The raise, the debt paid off, the new apartment, just a little more money for christmas presents?

 Here is the truth. We won't be happy then. Rarely in our lives will we be so far ahead of the game that we won't have anything to worry about. And the second that we are there, there are usually other problems lurking around the bend.

 So this past monday morning after walking my wife to the train in the antarctic weather, in the middle of thinking about how I would be happy 'then', 'then' being mid June when I could feel my feet and not have my own breathe freezing to my face. It hit me.

 I won't be happy then. I will be warm then, but not happy.

 Happiness and joy are two totally different things. Joy comes from a place that is not circumstantial. So to that end, I choose joy. 

 Even after just coming from Africa and open-heart surgery, I found myself here saying 'if only'.

How quick we forget.

I say publicly, God you have been more than gracious to me and given me even more than what I need and I am so grateful for who You are and where You have me.

Forgive our greedy little minds.