Waiting with hopeful anticipation...

and expectation of what is ahead is much harder than waiting impatiently. 

 This last year has been one of the hardest years of my life, for many reasons.  If you could have been there with me in "those" moments, you know the moments where you feel like there is nothing else in this world except you and a gigantic mountain of a choice. If you could have been there with me in those moments, you would have seen what I saw, though I am sure you have seen it in yourself. I saw myself for who I am, broken, imperfect, not a tough guy, not a victories leader, not a provider, not a warrior, not a gracious husband and not a perfect faithful follower of Jesus. I am left with just me. 

 Now before you get all up in arms and start saying "Don't be so hard on yourself Kyle."

 Here is my question.

 Do you have it together? Tell me there haven't been days in this last year where you looked at yourself and said "This is it? This is how I wanted to turn out?", and days where you wish you could go back, not in time necessarily, but back to when you had it together a little more than you do now.

 OK, so let me state the obvious we can't go back.

 So once again, we are left with ourselves and who we really are.

 Now if this were the end of the story, then I quit, but its not.

 God says that He knows the plans that He has for us, plans for a hope and a future. He also says that where we are made weak, there He is made strong. 

 I bank on it. So here I am, I wait with hopeful anticipation and expectation of what is now and what is ahead, because I don't have to be perfect and it is not me who is in control, God is and He knows exactly where we are and what is going on.