Thursday, March 26, 2009

Our main prospect for a place to live was said to us that it would be kept open for us...

 I guess that maybe he meant in spirit. Kim and I have to be out of our place on April 30th by noon. We don't know where we will relocate to exactly but have had our eye on this place over on Wayne ave and haven't really been that concerned about it because Bob(the fourth generation owner) said that we 'get dibs on it', in a very chicago-an sort of way. We drove by it tonight and that is obviously  no longer the case. Looks like chicago-an Bob found some renters to take our place not in spirit so much as reality. We now have no prospects and are back to the drawing board. Something will turn up, we will keep pounding the pavement. I trust the Lord, that he will provide a beautiful space and that He knows the plans He has for us.
 Other events of the day being the last of the "man class" gatherings. Tonight a group of us guys and our families got together for dinner as kind of a celebration and cap stone. Over the last six months we have been getting together every thursday morning at 6 am to collectively work through the process, baggage and truth about what a real man is, asking ?'s like: What is a real man? How does one become a man? Is there a moment when it happens? What is it that holds men back from being real men? How should authentic manhood express itself today?

One of the main things that I have realized over the last six months to a year of my life is first of all that, these are not even ?'s that men ask themselves. Men just kind of leave these things alone assuming that they know the answers or they are just simply to prideful and quite frankly scared to ask them. What is a man? What does a real man look like? Who is a real man? Another thing that I have noticed is that I know very few "real men".  Collectively as a band of brothers we landed on some pretty good realities and verbiage that I resonate well with, for instance; 
 Men are not just born they are proven. Men don't just stumble into being a man, they have to approach it consciously being engaged and intentional, rejecting passivity(emotionally) as well as in other areas and accepting responsibility. Real men are not push-overs who give into all of there little pansy whims, trying to set there life up for a piece of sweet 'easy-life-cherry pie'. 

This "man-class" is not, nor was it a pep rally or a Dr. Phil make me feel good and 'slap my momma' class. It was a lot of truth that sounded a bit like a foreign language due to the fact that we live in a world without confrontation, thats gotten so politically correct that men don't even know what it is to be a man. This strikes me as very sad.
All in all I am grateful that I made the investment.  I would recommend this series and study to  almost all men having looked at quite a bit of literature like this. It is titled Men's Fraternity, the Quest for authentic manhood.
Ok there is my review, I guess I didn't know that I had an opinion on the matter, oh well there it is.
Until next time, good night cyberspace.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

It is very important that we do what we need to do, when we need to do it.

Holding someone back is such a drag and makes me feel guilty, as it should. Sometimes by NOT addressing an issue because conflict is uncomfortable is a selfish thing to do. We need to face the music and not be afraid of confrontation. I haven't always taken this road. Passivity is an easy route to go down and the more commonly chosen path as we can see by looking all around us.  Lets make a difference. Confrontation and conflict draw out the settled places of our life into the light and often give breathing room to areas that could use other means of motivation than we can provide by ourselves.

I am back at it...

blogging that is. 
 I have been out of the habit of writing for long enough.
 I have no idea what this next season of life will bring but we are beginning to see changes coming around the bend. I just spoke with our landlord and let Him know that we are not resigning our lease. I have little idea of where we will be moving but change has to happen. I am praying for a miracle and that we will land in a place that we will be able to live fully alive and to our fullest. I have gone through craigslist, the tribune and then the most effective route which has been hitting the streets. We are trying to stay as close to the 1110 Lill ave and the fullerton stop as possible. It will work out.
In other news. I attended my first staff meeting at New Life community church today as I am going to be attending them regularly and am doing quite a bit of staff(ish) things. It will be good and it is somewhat encouraging do to the fact that I have been serving here for the last year or so and feel very much like this is where my wife and will be located for quite a while.
Changes are good. Change for the sake of change is just a re-arranging, but change for a purpose causes forward motion.
I will log in soon.
Kyle

Here is my excuse...

as to why I haven't been writing. I have been lazy, un-motivated and overwhelmed with the feeling that what I have to say isn't even worth repeating, let alone publishing to the general public.
 There is the peek inside at the shameless truth.
 Its 1 am middle of the week. Six months ago, I had my chest cut open for major surgery and as sick of talking about it as I am. I am even more fed up with the fact that 3 weeks ago I re-broke my sternum and even now have trouble sleeping because of it. Yes I am as tired of hearing about it as you are, but am even more tired of the pain and discomfort.
 I don't even know how to process all of this anymore. I haven't been writing lately, because I don't want to sound like Debbie Downer. There are worse situations, scenarios and places that I could be in. I am rich in so many ways. I have a beautiful wife who loves me and is amazing in every since of the word. I have a community that supports me, encourages me and loves me despite of me, or at least they act like it. My family is among the best in the world, my dad is my hero, right along side of my very own personal hall of fame of Grandparents. My mom has shown me what it is to love unconditionally. I am so blessed to have the health that I do. 
 There is my list of positive thinking. To be honest, I am not disciplined enough to run through that list all the time and find myself wrapped around what I don't have and where I can't be, hanging out in the land of discontented daydreams floating down the self indulgent river towards the gnarly falls of self-destruction. This by know means means that I am running around doing stupid things jumping off the Jesus train and diving into depravity, don't hear me wrong. It means that I am human and realize just how much by each passing day just how much that I need Jesus. I need Jesus to be my guide. All have sinned, will sin and left to ourselves are a wreck, no matter how "put-together" you come off, we come off. We need Jesus. Pure unadulterated, 100% Jesus, in everything that we do in all of who we are. 
What can wash away my(our) sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus! What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus!